Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Superiority of Southern Buffets Or Why Alabama is the 3rd least healthy State.

Over the weekend, we lost the 2nd Mate to the shore. She flew back to Alabama after the death of a most beloved friend of ours.
We are currently becalmed in Gillette, WY, waiting for the Westerlies that will blow us back east.
Today, after several days of being trapped in a rather dreary campground, we were driven to town by a lack of provisions and severe cases of cabin fever. We decided that after the four mile walk to town, we would reward ourselves with a pizza buffet. We miscalculated our departure time, though, and were forced to reconsider our destination in order to assure ourselves adequate time to enjoy our meal. We chose the Golden Corral, otherwise known as the Golden Pig's trough. Inside, we found a measly three food bars (that count includes the dessert bar and the salad bar) and received puny glasses (a mere 16 oz!) and a single smallish basket of rolls.
However, there was a dish of "Southern Style Cabbage." I do not eat boiled cabbage, but I had to look. What was in that pan was most definitely NOT Southern Style cabbage. The first clue was that it was still recognizable as cabbage. That cabbage would have crunched. And there was absolutely no sign of any pork whatsoever.

Southern Style indeed!

In Alabama, buffets are an art. I have never seen an Alabama Golden Corral with fewer than two food bars not counting the dessert and salad bars. There are no blue plates, and they are not less than eight inch circles. The glasses are generally at least 22oz. The glass size is to benefit waiters and waitresses who lose a dollar off their tip every time the sweet tea runs out. And on the dessert bar, one can be sure that the cheesecake will not be inedible.
    Also, the cabbage will not appear appear to be cabbage at all, but mushy green stuff with ham or bacon in   it. It will not crunch.
Perhaps this clears up the reason that Alabama is 48th on the Most Healthy State list, followed only by Oklahoma and Mississippi.

I offer to the Golden Corral of Gillette, WY (whose cooks are clearly worried about destroying the vitamins in the Cabbage) the words of Mark Lowry "Take a pill and cook the vegetables!"

I bet the buffets in Mississippi are really great.


  1. LOL @ the cabbage. I am so guilty of cooking the cabbage until it is brown and wilty and mushy... with lots of butter and sausage. LOL Now I feel like a fatty. LOL

  2. But you're not in Mississppi, so it's ok!! :P